Vivid images of you

It all came to me
This precious,warm feeling
Undeniable affection for you
I thought it was true
This is love.

Sudden surge of emotion
Erased all my other loves
I went crazy
Only for you
Oh how silly I was.

Had to surprise you
Time handed me 2 hours.
All else meant nothing
Love kept me going
Only to kill me.

The long wait it seemed
And then you came
Like an angel without wings
Lightened my spirit within
I fooled myself.

Dinner at the same diner
A different me
And a different she
No reminiscence of the past
All was forgotten.

I led her there
Clueless,curious she was
The movie about a love and future
Seemed appropriate to me
But I was lying.

It had all been prepared
Plushie,card,cake and my heart
To others the usual gimmicks
Even though it meant all to me.
Hid them with my heart in a bag.

Again I led her
Towards the heights of dazzling beauty
Her hopeful eyes
Sparkly in the night skies
I was scared.

My regret was about to start
Somehow it came to this
Thought it would never be
Darkness that was romance's companion
Both that messed with me.

As we walked on
My heart beat furiously
Neuros began connecting awkwardly
I was confused
Yet I pursued.

"I love you...alot"
Those words killed by your consolation
Coupled with the paper rose
I held it firmly
But let my heart slip.

I lost it all
Thoughts that swirled
Could make no sense
I was pushed off a cliff
To be devoured by sorrow.

We left it there
I feebly trod back
My heart,weighing heavy
The love,never pieced back
Was it the end.

I got on by
Managed to get better
No bright side,only wisps of light
Still,the emptiness within
You lingered in me.

But you comforted me
Tried to mend my heart
And you reasoned with me
Like a good friend
Only a good friend.

Shame stuck on me
Loneliness filled me
Hurt gripped me tight
Love abandoned me
And I let it be.

I loved too easily
It was all too quickly
My love,meant to be choosy
Silly me distributed it flippantly
And it broke me down tearfully.

This...was love.

Daddy

Today my dad came back from his overseas trip.We had a good chat,a little about cars and my mom,but mainly about dating.He gave me some good and sensible advice,and we ended up laughing over alot of stuff.Quite rare for a father and son who hardly see each other,even so when we had some bad times.But I guess all those uneventful stuff has been forgotten and we can move on and treat each other properly and respectfully.Some of his wise words include:

"Why go fishing with a rod?Why not throw a net instead?"
"Why give up the entire forest for one tree?"
"Why look at only one cloud when theres the entire sky?"

He taught me how a guy should be like: Un-desperate,spontaneous,cool,calm,natural.His wise words spoke to me,they said "Daniel,don't be too desperate for one girl,theres plenty out there.Just be yourself,be cool,dun try too hard and force things to happen.You'll scare the girl away."Daddy(or papa,which is what I call him even until today) brought across the point that if I get rejected,I should never take it too hard and should instead,laugh it off.Treat it as something silly that I did,laugh it off and move on.

You've got no idea how meaningful and helpful his advice was.We ended up laughing over alot of stuff like how he played it cool and lent this girl his camera lens and took things naturally and his friends ended up being jealous and marvelling at my dad's charm.The conversation between us was so rare,so important to my life,so much needed by me.For all that,I just want to say,I love my dad and I thank him for all we had today.

Oh before I forget,we did talk a little about education.My dad's a cool guy,he mentioned that he didn't really care what I pursued,just as long as I find success and like my life.He even told me I could be a philosopher for all he cared.Haha,how cool is that?

*Hey old man,if you ever get to see this blog,this is the most important bit.As a son,I love you always and I'm proud to have you as a dad,noone else can replace you,ever.Take care and continue snapping those pix!

Tired

I rented a car on friday.Drove it ard and fetched some friends to go to a bbq party.They told me my driving was good but I tot I was reckless.Anyway,drove in rain,thankfully there were no accidents.Met my classmate for supper at midnight,had a good chit chat abt cars.Realised that I accidentally pulled a lever that opened my bonnet.Thankfully there was a secondary catch and so my bonnet didn't fly up while I drove.Also learnt tt the boot had to be manually locked else pple could steal the things inside.Reached home at 2+am and slept at 3.

Today.Drove to pasir ris to gab's house.Got horned at the expressway cos I was changing lane recklessly.But otherwise the drive was alright.We drove to church,had our lunch,den brought heidi out for a spin.Went to redhill to meet wei lun.Had to travel on the CTE,it was a new experience.Not too bad anyway.We played pool at some ulu shopping centre,and I didn't put a parking coupon.Received a $30 summon damnnit.Met with a dilemma as to whether I should go to church or not go to church and instead drive lun and gab to some other place to watch soccer.Settled the dilemma...drove lun home and apologised for not letting him come along to church.Later on I lost my temper thanks to stupid cyclists who didn't use the pavement and cycled on the roads.Slammed the horn real hard.Drove back to church and made it without really getting lost.

I was physically in church but my mind was on the car.Was utterly distracted today and my desire was to keep driving and not be sitting somewhere.Went to the toilet with gab and stupidly asked some kids if they wanted a spin.Ended up driving gab and mason to tim's area whr there was a bar.Felt like an idiot.Should have told them to stay for service instead of letting them go off halfway to play pool.I should haf stayed in service myself or left by myself.Anyway went to withdraw money and waited for the others to finish service.While u-turning I struck the kerb,was so worried that the tire would puncture.Thankfully it didn't.Gave my cell grp a spin(claudia couldn't come) and I guess they enjoyed it.Took off with nik,shem and heidi.Couldn't find a place to eat and watch soccer.Ended up driving crazily in a private estate.Got horned repeatedly by some nutcase driver.Drove to a petrol station to buy snacks and had supper at a secret location.

After supper,I dropped off heidi,put nik at a busstop and sent shem home.Drove back home and almost got into accident.Bloody car came out of a petrol station without checking for oncoming traffic,I had to jam brake and try to change lane.There was a car on tt other lane and we almost collided.Almost got sandwiched but somehow I made it thru.Stopped at traffic light and rolled down the window.Got the reckless driver(some old man and this wife) to roll down his window.All he could say was "sorry sorry".Damnnit I almost got into an accident and all u can do is give some stupid apology?!Later on I managed to make it home safely and put my parking coupons.

I really duno how I should be feeling.Should I be glad I can drive?Or should I avoid driving for now?Friends tell me I'm good,but I feel that I'm a crazy driver.Pushing the limits at times by reving the engine real hard.Reckless lane changes.Lousy parking.Gosh.

I hate cyclists who dun cycle on the pavement and end up cycling on the road.I hate pple who dun signal.I hate pple who dun watch out for other cars or give a chance for others to change lane.Is being selfish that good?When I see someone cutting into my lane I just allow him to do so.But other pple refuse to slow down for them!Why is society like this?Why is everyone rushing for time?Why the impatience?Why can't pple just live and let live or treat others better?

I'm scared.So scared that I'll get into an accident.I want to drive well but my bad habits are haunting me.Somehow from an exhilarating rush that I got when I drove on friday,it changed today and I feel so sucky now.I feel so indecisive.So fragile.Sigh.Probably should sleep soon.