Monday, May 05, 2008

Yesterday..

...was probably a kinda good day for me.

Going for cell, giving my usual share of nonsense to hui and co. Laughing a little during sermon abt r/s stuff. Chomping on my white rabbit sweets. Haha..having a good lunch with my cell grp, enjoying their company and chatting alot with them. Its been seriously such a long time since we all sat down and just talked abt everything under the sun, rather den just go our own separate ways after lunch. And my suggestion at watching a movie landed us at gv bishan. When was the last time we watched a movie as a cell? Ages ago man haha.

Thanks to the 4 pairs of listening ears who listened to my craps and my serious stuff while I was driving all of u back. For acc-ing me as I went to top up my cashcard and withdrew money. Bryan, I think you said two words that kinda relate to what I feel now.. e---------- t----. Maybe thats how I felt inside. Thanks for letting me send all of you home, don't worry its not very troublesome for me. =)

You. You'll probably never see this post of mine. But I was really glad u were with me ytd. Tho we didn't do much except eat dinner. I know u listened to every word I said. And you never interrupted me. I'm glad I could tell u so much stuff. Stuff abt us that we settled tho not face to face. Stuff abt what I'm going thru now. I felt like I could carry on with life without her. Felt that I was ready to find my happiness in other aspects of my life. Determined to do stuff like get a job, work out just to make my life better. Thanks for listening to so much of me, and for assuring me that I'm not tt bad afterall. I noe ur sincere..and you are truly a nice person, and tho I din trust u abit in the end, you never got angry and just laughed it off. I know you care for me, even as a friend. =)

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Reading thru the smses u sent to my mom..I think I know whats going thru ur head, what's keeping u away from me. The stubbornness was the result of seeing me hurt myself, seeing me threatening to do stupid things. I've matured thru wad has happened, and I know I can do it. I've been worse, and somehow I came out of it. I may have fallen but I'm standing up again. Please see it and dun let it pass u by. Know that I wun ever kill myself cos of u, or any other girl. Sometimes I do things rashly and out of anger. Dun we all? I hope u forgive me, and allow me to carry on being in ur heart.

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As I was coming home I know I was feeling better, feeling so determined abt life without you. And den later on..towards my sleeping time(I think), I just didn't feel tt determined, didn't feel that good. My heart just..changed. And waking up today I still felt this way. Still missing you. Not as determined to live without you ard, and still very much wanting all of u back, not just bits and pieces, but all of you.

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